Some trips change life
It’s almost 2 months since I have come back from my trip to the mountains. What was supposed to be a refreshing break to lift up my spirits and get me back into my game, made me a hopeless. I came back home (currently its Mumbai) only to be utterly disturbed with anything happening around me. From sleepless nights to getting lost in the crowd, from snapping at colleagues and friends to crying if my food lacked even a pinch of salt, I have been extremely sensitive and miserable. I lost myself and had no idea what went wrong. I hooked myself on to social media, kept posting pics on Instagram and refreshing it every 5 seconds to check how many likes I have got, started associating my life to all the stupid memes circulating around, constantly messaging my friends irrespective of what time of the day it was. Phone became my world. Everything in my head – a mess!
A week ago I went on a crash diet; the headache kills me. Before that I kept eating every two hours, so much so that I spent more than my monthly salary on food bills in February. Every weekend I plan random trips to random places because I just want to get away. Recently, I got myself tattooed so I can keep reminding myself that all that happens to me is because I let it happen. No I don’t regret anything because these are all my defense mechanisms. You may have different ones.
Then one day I come across an article about post-vacation blues or ‘Travel Depression’, and I seemed to tick every box. Irritable, lost, confused, broken, dreaming about being with myself, freedom, hating the daily routine, hating the work-life, etc. 18 years of staying away from family and I never felt homesick, except this time. I am terribly homesick, but just going home was not the answer. What I need is a change of place, a change of air and surroundings and may be even the people around me. We all need to be with ourselves once in a while, away from the crowd, to know what ‘not-having-to-compromise’ feels like.
Sometimes you need to make decisions that may seem completely illogical. Those which no one will understand or support. Nevertheless, take the chance. Step out of your safe and cozy cocoon, run away to the unknown. Start a new life, don’t bother if you can sustain it. Time will tell. For now, calm those nerves. You can always return back when things don’t work out.
Because what you seek is also seeking you.