When I started blogging, I was a size 14 to 16. During my school years, I was size L. At the age of 10, I was a good 38KG. Infact, I was born a very healthy baby!

It is now that I am a big fat woman of size 18, and growing, with a few very common health problems too.

Fat Woman Fashion IndianIts almost every morning that I wake up to a text from my mom, or my best friends, about joining a gym or a healthcare centre and treat my unhealthiness. My folks are up for spending absurd amounts of money just for me to shed a few kgs. Oh not few, but all my weight and be thin so I look good like the other girls in the vicinity and find my size of clothes across all stores.  And yea, not suffer from a heart attack and die prematurely because the fats will block my arteries.

This is not the first time I have been asked to lose weight. Infact, my weight has been the constant concern for people around me all throughout my life. When a toddler, my thunder thighs were the cutest sight one could get hold of. As I grew up, I heard stories of my tinier self when I couldn’t crawl as fast as my thinner cousins because of my weight.

Then, ofcourse, my school. I was the fat chubby kid whose cheeks were pulled till it hurt. That was during the initial years. As I grew up, things got worse. Being called fat was just usual, but I have been made fun of and was given ridiculous names as I was the only girl in my class with visible boobs. Even at the age of 12, my class teacher, some seniors, a few friends – all wanted me to exercise more and eat less portions of food so I could lose weight and be ‘healthy’.

I clearly remember when I was in the 11th grade attending the farewell we had organised for our seniors, the chairman’s wife came up to me, pinched the bulgy flesh on my back just above my bra line and said, “Even at this age I do not have flabs like that. You should certainly exercise more and tone yourself up else you may fall ill.” At this time, quite ironically, I was already representing my school at the CBSE national hockey championship. Makes me wonder how a fat, unhealthy, breathless kid found her way into a hockey team!

I totally understand when people are so concerned about my health that they want me to be fit. However, how can I have survived the last 25 plus odd years if all this while I was severely unhealthy? A new born kid is unhealthy because she was born with a few extra pounds? A 12 year old is unhealthy because she is fat and has her body growing visibly faster than her peers? A 17 year old girl representing her school in a strenuous sport is unhealthy because her flabs are visible? Or was it just the world’s very convenient way of telling me that the sight of me is ugly and undesirable because I am a fat woman?

Dear fat woman

Had this topic not been the centre of my life all this time, may be I would have been a health freak rather than a IDGAF girl. But then, I would be a bodyshamer unknowingly so, thank you world for always letting me know that I am fat and unhealthy, so much so that I really don’t care much about it now. You should have probably saved your comments for the time when I got really unhealthy because of my weight.

I don’t deny I am unhealthy. I have a backache when I come home from my desk job. I have neck pain because I am constantly looking at my laptop. I have bodyache and cracking joints because I literally live in an AC room throughout the day. I cannot digest my food and almost always end up with a heartburn because of my fucked up timings. I feel terribly hot and sweat profusely within minutes of stepping out of an AC area as the weather outside is unbearably humid and I have an oily skin.  Or may be I suffer from all of this just because I am FAT!

And if that is the case, I dare you find me a person, thin and socially pretty, who lives the life I live and does the things I do but is as fit as a fiddle without an ounce of pain anywhere in her body or any sweat dripping off her neck except when she is on the treadmill!

Love N Luck