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Leaving behind what’s yours

Or rather, replacing him/her with another one.

Dear the-one-that-got-away,

You came into my life uninvited. I didn’t want you to stay, but you were adamant. You didn’t give up when you should have. You were that leech I always wanted to avoid, the most dangerous kind of leech, the ones who suck the bad out of you. You stuck around when I stomped you down, several times. You stuck around when I walked out on you. You stuck around even when I pushed you away in the meanest way possible. But you see, you were that leech. You were that leech which stuck around and eventually made me stay.

You were the boyfriend goals other women talked about. You were the relationship memes and love phrases that went viral. You were the perfection that made me the centre of jealousy. You were my pride and my commitment. You were my trust and loyalty. You were my strength and my weakness. Most of all, you were my insecurity.

You were the one to make me believe in me. You were the one to make me see the reality of myself and my dreams. You were the one who showed me how a man should treat me. You were the one that was my craziest lover and my best friend. You woke me up with the cosiest snuggles and put me to bed with my favourite songs. You fed me my favourite sandwiches and made me drink juices I hated the most. You were the one who took care of the small things, and made a big deal of the slightly bigger things. You were the one who took me by my hand and pushed me into the big world to survive. You were the one who stood afar and watched me grow. You were the reason I became me.

But why is it that when it was time to prove yourself, you ducked away? You gave up when it was time to stand up. You closed the book when you should have started a new chapter. You shut me out when I put everything in. You abandoned it when it was your chance to prove the worth of it all. You compelled me to be the me even I never wanted to be.

Was this love even real? Was this love even for me? Was this even love? Or was I just a habit you got rid of in 21 days?

It’s only now that I understand your silence. Your silence during my long absences was because you were busy undressing someone else. Your silence could win you the heart of the other woman. Your silence could make you look like the victim to many. But, your silence couldn’t hide the fact that for you love and companionship was as replaceable as a new favourite shirt. Your silence could not make me wish you and your so called ‘friend’, good luck. Still.

As for my silence, it sure is an acceptance, but will never be an agreement.